


Amazing Grace

by Enmuse (Scifiroots)



Category: Fringe
Genre: Comment Fic, Community: comment_fic, Episode Related, Friendship, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-03-23
Updated: 2010-03-23
Packaged: 2017-10-08 06:29:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,137
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/73677
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Scifiroots/pseuds/Enmuse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>SPOILERS: Jacksonville. Peter is trying to understand the truth of where he comes from.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Amazing Grace

**Author's Note:**

  * For [fae_calumnae](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=fae_calumnae).



> _For [comment_fic](http://community.livejournal.com/comment_fic/129015.html?thread=27944439#t27944439) Prompt: "I once was lost, but now am found/was blind, but now I see." - Amazing Grace_

He hadn't turned on the lights when he entered the lab. He didn't have any sheet music, nor did he need it, so why spoil his mood by making visible the tools of madness spread throughout the room?

Gene mooed in what sounded like a question when he started playing scales. Soon he let his fingers wander to play snippets of various songs, committing to nothing in particular. He lost himself in the familiar notes and the movements that came second nature to him.

Time passed without his notice until a voice brought him back to the present.

_"Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound, that saved a wretch like me."_ Peter opened his eyes and tracked the voice to Astrid, standing a few feet away watching him. _"I once was lost, but now I'm found, was blind, but now I see."_

He was tempted to stop playing, but her voice melded so well with the music and this song had always captivated him.

_"T'was Grace that taught my heart to fear, and Grace my fears relieved. How precious did that Grace appear the hour I first believed."_

He continued to play and kept his gaze on Astrid. She made no move to come closer and he wondered what his expression was that kept her at a distance.

The song came full circle and Astrid finally walked toward Peter and perched on the end of the piano bench. _"I once was lost, but now am found, was blind, but now I see."_

Peter let his hands fall to his lap and he glanced sidelong at the junior agent. She seemed to be searching his face for something and it took her a while to speak.

"It's a beautiful song," she said. "But I always..." She shook her head, apparently deciding to end that train of thought. "What's wrong, Peter?"

His lips twitched into a wry smile. "You're getting good at reading the Bishops, aren't you."

The smile she returned was shadowed with concern. Peter looked away, sick of seeing that concern on so many faces. Perhaps it was better than the look of guilt that had seemed to age Walter another decade. Definitely better than the pity Olivia silently conveyed when Peter had shouted at her.

Astrid's fingers lightly touched the back of his hand. Peter looked down and focused on her fingertips as he said, "I played it at a funeral, once." He held back a dark chuckle, though he did continue the thought, _It seems fitting._

Astrid suddenly gripped his wrist and he glanced over. He was surprised to see a look of understanding on her face. "Oh, God. I didn't think..."

Peter's eyes narrowed. "You knew, too?" he whispered harshly.

Eyes widening, Astrid shook her head. "Walter, he said - when we were under quarantine in that building - he said he couldn't let you die... _again_. I just..." She shook her head again, horror creeping into her expression. "Oh, Peter."

His jaw clenched with the effort not to start yelling at her, too. At least she hadn't _really_ known. Olivia had, and she had waited so long before she clumsily brought it up.

"Leave it," he finally muttered, looking away. He twisted his arm, trying to get free of her grip.

Astrid merely shifted her hold so that her hand clasped his. "Peter, I'm sorry. But you're here, now. You're with us, you made a life _here_."

He somehow resisted the urge to snap at her. After a moment he replied, "It wasn't supposed to be mine."

She waited him out, her hand continuing to hold his.

Eventually he spoke again, voice low. "I remember worrying about my mother. She seemed to change overnight." He grimaced. "One night she was tucking me in and promising a trip to the carnival, the next morning she kept looking at me with tears in her eyes. She didn't let me out of her sight for days, she even slept in my room."

He licked his lips. He didn't let himself wonder why he was telling her this, opening up to Astrid when sometime last night he'd been yelling at Olivia and felt ready to walk away from Boston and never look back. "A couple weeks after her strange mood swing, Walter was arrested for the lab fire. My mom didn't say much about it, she just worked at getting us to move on. After a while she didn't seem like a stranger anymore. She smiled again and didn't look scared when I brought up things we'd done before."

He chanced another look at Astrid and was relieved that her expression was clear. "I think she started to block the details out."

Seeming to recognize that he had revealed all he was ready to, Astrid offered him a small smile and squeezed his hand. "I know it's not something you can forgive. But maybe you should think about how much Walter must love you to have--"

Peter cut her off. "He loved _his_ son. I'm not that boy." He was tempted to flee, but Astrid's hand was still wrapped around his and he felt like he was anchored to her. "He's always measured me against the child he knew and what he expected. _I'm not him_."

Astrid smiled sadly. "I know," she said softly. "I can't imagine what it was like, for you or for him. Walter's... a unique man. But he thinks the world of you, Peter. He'd move heaven and hell for you. _You_, not the memory of a child. He's trying to be a better man, even I can tell, and I've only known you two for a year."

Peter didn't respond, the pain and anger still too recent to allow any give to the suggestions she made.

Astrid squeezed his had before letting go. "Go on, take a break. But promise to come back, okay?" She bit her lip and averted her gaze. "Haven't you felt like... like you belong here? Like all of us were supposed to come to this point?"

He had. Maybe he still felt that way. For the moment he couldn't tell, not with the confusion and volatile emotions ready to overwhelm him.

Peter stood up and walked away from the piano. Early daylight had begun to filter into the high-set windows of the lab and he could see all the equipment - Walter's tools of trade. He felt a little sick looking over the reminders that Walter often seemed like a mad doctor transported from a horror film.

"Peter?"

He didn't look back at Astrid, but he said, "I need to leave." He hesitated before adding, "For a while."

"I'll tell them," Astrid replied. "Take care of yourself."

Peter resisted the urge to run and instead walked to the doors. He didn't look back or respond to Astrid's soft "come back soon."

\-----

**Author's Note:**

> First _Fringe_ fic! I think Astrid holds a lot of potential and I also feel like she and Peter have an interesting connection that needs to be explored more...


End file.
